Review: 47 Meters Down Is Predictable And Boring

You know that thing in zombie movies where it’s like no one in the movie has ever SEEN A ZOMBIE MOVIE? The same thing seems to happen when it comes to almost ALL the modern shark flicks.  47 Meters Down on the surface looks really promising, the strong trailer really helps sell it after the disappointment that was The Shallows:

It *is* novel to have Mandy Moore in an action-y role, since the last several times we’ve seen her on screen it was drama and romance. Doesn’t mean there was anything remotely interesting about her performance in this film, however.

There isn’t a whole lot to say about the film, it is what it is. Two sisters go shark cage diving in Mexico because two hot guys told them to, and even though the boat is shady and rusty as shit, they go into the water.  Of COURSE, things go wrong, or else no movie, right?  But cables snap, and the cage plummets towards the 47 meter rock shelf it rests on for the majority of the movie.

Claire Holt plays Kate, blond sister of Mandy Moore’s Lisa, and the only one of the two who actually knows how to scuba dive, or so the script would have us believe.  There is a lot of screaming, a lot of “conserve your air” but also the “I know we’re dying but lemme pour my heart out to you” thing.

The jump scares are predictable and expected, there isn’t anything new or unique about the meat of the story other than the ending.  I guessed it ahead of time and whispered to my movie buddy what I thought was going to happen, and it did. But, it was probably the only interesting part of an otherwise boring less-sharks-than-advertised film.

SCORE: 1.5 OUT OF 5, viewed in standard non 3D (won’t see again)

The Good:

Some really nice visuals, mostly because it’s hard to screw up those pristine Mexican coastal waters. The ending, as I mentioned above, is novel and the only interesting moment(s).  Also, the idea of tossing in a step to your basic dive card certification where you have to change out your oxygen tank underwater at pressure is probably the one positive I’ll take home from this film.

The Bad:

Hoooboy.  You’re telling me, that yet AGAIN someone can’t make a shark movie scary? Or thrilling? Or ANYTHING that would make me want to see it again?  I mean the story could have brought them over to the island where Big Blue was spotted, the 20 foot female great white who makes the internet rounds as the largest white caught on camera.  That at least would make more sense from a storyline side.

The performances aren’t bad, but the characters aren’t good, so I’m left disliking 47 Meters Down after REALLY hoping it’d be good.  It opens worldwide on Friday, June 16th 2017.