Important ‘Star Wars’ Information: How NOT To Get Eaten By Ewoks

This is super serious survival information for those denizens of the galaxy far far away- Christian Blauvelt‘s “How Not To Get Eaten By Ewoks (and Other Galactic Survival Tips)”.

While the tome doesn’t have an official release date yet, StarWars.com chatted with Blauvelt about the important facts and tips for travelers in the Cosmic Conflict universe.

StarWars.com: You seem like the person to ask: How can I avoid being eaten by an Ewok?

Christian Blauvelt: Option one is to befriend one, of course! Just one Ewok probably won’t be able to eat you on his or her own, even though they’ll undoubtedly have some pretty impressive spear skills. But if you get the Ewok on your side, you’ll have someone to advocate for you with the rest of the tribe. You should share a protein cracker with them, and show you’re willing to protect their nearby village by blasting any Imperial scout trooper that’s poking around nearby.

Option two, and not everyone can afford this, is to have a protocol droid with plating the color of a precious metal. An Ewok shaman may find this fastidious etiquette expert to be some sort of god. But unless you have the Force and can make your droid perform a miracle, you’d best stick to option one.

Blauvelt also says this book is a little “what to do” if you were to suddenly find yourself within the George Lucas-created universe:

Christian Blauvelt: In part, it’s a survival guide that people in the galaxy far, far away would find useful to consult if they were suddenly stranded on a strange world following their ship crashing. What do you do next? How do you assess the wildlife, the terrain, what flora and fauna might work as a meal? How do you go about contacting the locals, if there are any?

But it’s also a travel guide. Even if everything goes right – you don’t crash – you’ll still need to identify places and beings you might want to avoid, how to conduct negotiations and business transactions, how to spend a night on the town and dress appropriately, how to identify food that might prove poisonous to your species’ physiology, how to escape from prison if you find yourself unjustly incarcerated, how to gamble, and how to cheat. And, of course, how to keep your head down, survive, and even thrive in a galaxy that’s at war.

Needless to say, “How Not To Get Eaten By Ewoks” is gonna find a place on our Star Wars bookshelf, right alongside Claudia Gray‘s “Leia: Princess of Alderaan“, and E.K Johnson‘s “The Queen’s Shadow“.